For a girl who has been the victim of psychological abuse, love becomes something she struggles to define. She bears invisible scars that still remain for a long time.
Her attacker changed her way of seeing reality. It was normal for him to tell her, I love you for a moment, and then immediately insulting him with all the names and saying the cruelest things to him.
He would kiss and hug her, then yell at her and break plates while they argued. She was always the one to blame for everything.
He had such a gift for playing the victim that she really thought the problem was inside her.
She thought she had to change. She thought it was her fault she was unhappy.
You see, the psychological abuse made her believe she wasn’t good enough.
This made her believe that she is not worthy of love and that most of the things that happened to her were somehow her fault. This is a form of manipulation called gaslighting.
It took her a long time to realize that it was never about her. She had to rebuild her life.
She worked on her insecurities and regained her self-esteem. Little by little, she learned to love herself again.
The emotional abuse taught him to be distrustful.
She found her inner peace. She renewed her life.
She became happy on her own, and it took her so long to get there that she’s afraid of losing him.
See also: Before You Judge Her Because She Stayed With Her Abuser, Know This
She’s afraid that someone will hurt her again, take her back to the beginning, and that all her efforts have been in vain.
She keeps telling herself that not all men are her ex. That they are not all the same. But she can’t help but be afraid.
That’s why she needs someone with whom she will feel safe.
She needs someone she can trust. This is why she believes in taking the time to move things forward and create that trust with your partner.
Trust is no longer something she gives away for free. You have to earn it.
She needs a man who will understand this. A man who won’t hesitate to lower his voice and be whatever she needs. If she finds this man, she will let her guard down, but not before.
She needs someone who will teach her to stop fighting her feelings.
She’s afraid to let go and have real feelings. That’s why every time she sees that she’s getting close to someone and getting too attached, she backs off.
She pulls away, all the while hoping that he brings her back even harder. She hopes he will reassure her and tell her everything will be okay.
When she finds someone like that, maybe she’ll give love a chance, but not before.
She wants to feel safe enough before taking any risks.
She still believes in love, and she still wants it, but she has higher standards now.
If there’s a silver lining in everything she’s been through, it’s that she’s learned how strong she is and that she needs to love and appreciate herself more.
She learned these lessons the hard way, but at least now she has no problem letting go when she sees warning signs of the toxic and abusive behaviors she endured.
She will never tolerate such a thing again. She raised the bar, and her standards are higher now.
It is not unrealistic. She just knows what love should never look like.
She knows that love shouldn’t be torture. She knows that love shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself.
She knows that love doesn’t have to kill you emotionally
She knows that love should be good and have complicity. She knows that love should only add to happiness.
She knows that love doesn’t hurt. She knows that love gives wings.
See also: Different Types of Harassment and How to Deal with It
