It’s not easy you know.
It’s like returning to the earth, to the darkness, where everything reminds you of the pain and sorrow you went through.
Falling in love is like a long quest and I don’t like it. I’m terrified.
I’m afraid everything will repeat itself and I’m not ready for that.
I know I’m excessive, I know that most of the time my fear makes no sense. But when I think about what I experienced, it’s stronger than me.
I know that I am protecting my heart and that the walls are too high, too thick for anyone to tear down. My heart has learned its lesson. Same as me.
Love seems magical and wonderful. Being in love is like baring your heart, without having the slightest fear, because you have the courage.
I’ve been there, I’ve done it.
Today, love only seems like misfortune and it’s because of you.
The way your eyes sparkled when you told me you loved me and the way you smiled at me when I cried…
Two things that didn’t go together. I never knew what to think of you, what to think of us.
I believed that love was supposed to hurt from time to time, that it required a lot of care and attention.
I thought that for you to love me, I had to prove myself. I had to show you that I was worthy of your love.
When I started to suffer physically, I knew something was wrong. I saw that whatever I did “love” never seemed logical.
“Love made me suffer” and “love” destroyed my heart.
I loved so sincerely and so carelessly. I loved you without seeing how harmful you were to me and because of you, I’m afraid to love again.
I’m afraid of falling in love, so this man who will make an effort and be willing to give me all his affection will have no chance of entering my heart.
I am on guard to the point where I myself am unable to find my own heart among this avalanche of emotions.
I’m exhausted from falling and never being caught by the one I thought I could count on and who I thought was willing to treat me the way I deserved.
I am exhausted from waiting a lot and never receiving what I want. I’m exhausted by my fear of being abandoned for the hundredth time, just because I like too much’.
My heart is heavy, but he is still there and he frees me a little. It’s like knowing there’s a medicine for all your problems, but you refuse to take…
Because you’ve been confusing poison with medicine all this time and now you’re unable to trust your instincts.
So here I am now, looking at this person in the mirror, too afraid to love, wondering what I could do to make them feel better, to hurt less.
But she looks at me blankly, because she has been drained of all her energy.
But she’ll be fine. She’ll be fine.
I will learn to live with my disappointments, because that’s sometimes how you realize your own value.
I’ll be fine, but I need time to heal; it’s crucial. I won’t fix myself overnight and I’m not even trying.
The world tries to force me to hurry up, but I don’t care.
My heart is fragile and I don’t want it to be broken again. That’s why I will keep him a little longer safe, in my chest.
