I like watching kissing scenes. They give me goosebumps, squeals of pleasure, and rub my palms together excitedly, like a smitten teenager who has yet to experience her first kiss. Sometimes, I catch myself and sniff a little, especially when it’s a happy ending moment accompanied by a heartwarming love song.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a TV series, movie, or some reality dating show. As long as there’s a great kiss scene and a cute couple, you’ll find me happily watching. However, they are not much of a kisser in reality, which is a surprise for someone who likes to watch. No, don’t get me wrong. I love a good kiss with someone I’m attracted to once in a while. But I hit it in my head and let it go that yes take over, so much so that I can almost lock lips with anyone.
What if it’s weird? What if we kiss and I can’t meet his gaze afterwards, or start to regret it? What if he kisses with his eyes wide open? I wonder. Still, nothing scares me like the thought of a bad kiss. I mean, the saliva-drool-tongue-bite-mouth-swallow-teeth-meet kind of kiss that makes you want to gag. Add the tongue probe to the mix, and you have “the worst kiss ever!” – the exact words of a colleague.
Nerves, goof up or weird fetishes?
“It was the absolute worst, Titi! I don’t know how I survived it,” lamented the colleague, visibly reeling at the memory as he described his recent lip-locking activity with someone he was seeing.
She had just started dating this man, and they hadn’t shared more than a few kisses until one evening when they decided to take the pecking up with a long kiss. Things got crazy when he proceeded to shove his tongue down her throat, and he had a tongue the length of a chameleon.
Ah! Wait…on purpose? I wanted to know.
“Yes now! Why else?” she replied, frowning.
It could be a mistake. Maybe he got so lost in the passion of the moment, that he didn’t know what he was doing. But to shove his tongue down her throat on purpose? Ava!
“I know, right?” said the colleague, rolling her eyes. “It’s worse!”
No way! How much worse could it possibly be?
“Much worse.” She continued to give the rest of the essence. Shortly after the tongue shoving, he began to bite on his lips, and before she could spell kisses in his head, he had already bitten his tongue.
Oh dear! Was it even on purpose? If pulling out the tongue or biting someone’s was some kind of fetish for him, it wouldn’t hurt to ask if he was cool with it instead of continuing.
“You know!” He snapped his fingers and pursed his lips. “I would have just told him no if he had asked.”
Might as well give it another chance. He was probably full of nerves since it was his first time kissing her.
“Mbano! I won’t do it anymore!” she insisted, shaking her head firmly. “Why don’t you kiss him? i throw you I bet you’ve never experienced it.”
But she was wrong. I’ve had my share of bad kisses, even similar to hers. Once, someone pulled his tongue smack in the middle of kissing me. I was stunned and confused. What was he supposed to do with his tongue? Another time, someone started making funny moaning sounds while kissing. Uh, brothers, why? Can’t we please?
They say that kissing is subjective, and what looks bad to one person may not be bad to another person. So, it is possible that some people do not mind the sounds of moaning. There are also fetishes that some of us would think were weird and would never understand, but others would be totally into. There are also times when some kiss goof-ups are really just that – goof-ups, or maybe a lot of nerves. However, there are kisses that everyone agrees are bad, unpleasant and even irritating, no matter how you cut them. The kind of slobbery, for example. What is saliva? I have enough of mine, thanks! I don’t need more than I already have. There is also the type of teeth. I don’t need to feel your teeth meet mine or feel your teeth on my tongue. There is also the type of swallowing in the mouth. Do not open your mouth wide and bring it hard on mine as you want to swallow, all in the name of kissing. Then the sweat drools. As if fighting with your saliva in your mouth isn’t bad enough, I’m also happy with the sweat running down my upper lip and chin.
Bad Kissing? Miss Me with That!
My colleague stopped dating with tongue biting after that kiss. Of course, you can guess why. No one wants to be stuck with a bad kiss. Of course I don’t. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone I can’t kiss. But beyond biting tongue and all, there are other factors that come into play when kissing. Your breath, for example. Imagine perceiving the smell of fish that someone has eaten just on their breath or tasting it when they kiss. Yes! It’s the same way you feel for your breath if you don’t pay attention to it. Nothing beats clean, fresh breath.
It also helps if you have chemistry with the person you’re locking lips with. When I watch scenes of two people kissing with an undeniable chemistry emanating across the TV screen (you know, the Rege-Jean Page and Phoebe Dynevor in Bridgerton I, Will Smith and Margot Robbie in Focus, Denzel Washington and Paula Patton in Déjà Vu kind of chemistry), the goosebumps on my skin grow twice. Oh, chemistry is everything! You know what helps too? Being considerate of other people’s feelings. I mean, if you do something weird while kissing me and assume I like you without asking first, you’re not just a bad kisser, you’re selfish. Rude, too. Well, why!
What doesn’t help is acting like you’re good at a kissing technique when you have no idea what you’re doing. Lip nibbling is an example. I hear it makes a great snack when done right. I don’t have to say what happens otherwise. It’s okay to admit that you’re not clueless, though. That’s the only way you can improve. You also have to be willing to learn and make an effort. Whatever you do, don’t brag about how much of a great kisser you are, just to leave a bad taste in your mouth – and I mean that literally.
So, what kissing experiences have you had that left a bad taste in your mouth? Please, tell me!
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